Heavenly Aid

This part of the story is hard for me to share.  It is very personal, and perhaps hard to believe.  But I feel compelled to share it for two reasons. The first reason is that maybe it will help someone else. The second reason is because so many people have made comments about my strong faith and courage and I know full well that I am weak and any faith I have right now is a gift, and  I think this story illustrates that.

During the labor when it came time to push, I got to a point where I couldn't do it. Physically, emotionally, spiritually I. was. done. I was shaking and I couldn't breathe and I mean I just couldn't do it.  I was trying to think of a saint that was strong that I could pray to. I kept thinking of manly saints and picturing the apostles' strong muscles lifting up nets of fish or St. Michael the Archangel.  But these weren't cutting it for me. I didn't need manly strength.  I needed womanly strength.

Suddenly I thought of Chiara Corbella.  Maybe some of you are familiar with her story. Chiara was an Italian woman who carried three babies- two of which, Maria and David, only lived 30 minutes. During her third pregnancy the baby was healthy, but Chiara was diagnosed with cancer.  She postponed treatments until after the baby was born.  Chiara died on June 13, 2012, just a year after her third baby was born healthy.  Not only did she know suffering, but she showed great faith and strength during her suffering.  More of her story is here

Before she died, she wrote a letter to her son. I love this excerpt: 

Don’t ever get discouraged, my son, God never takes anything away from you. If He takes away it is only because he wants to give you so much more. Thanks to Maria and David, we fell more in love with eternal life and we stopped fearing death. You see, God took away but He did it to give us a bigger and more open heart ready to welcome eternal life, even here in this life.

As I was panicked and terrified, I thought of this strong woman who many consider a saint, and suddenly I felt her presence with me in the delivery room. I felt her hand on my forehead and a great peace and calm came over me.  I stopped shaking and could breathe again and I was able to push out my baby.   In between pushes, I looked at my husband and said, "Pray to Chiara Corbella, she's here."

I have returned to this moment over and over again in the past few weeks.  When I question if God even cares about me since He let my baby die, I remember that I didn't have to do it alone.  I remember the heavenly aid He sent.  As I question the mystery of suffering, I don't have answers, but I do have that experience.  I have continued to seek her intercession as I mourn the loss of baby John and I pray that she will help me to be strong.