Thursday, January 26, 2012

Financial Skydiving

My husband and I have tried (although imperfectly) to follow what we believe is God's will for us, even sometimes if it doesn't make financial sense.  God has proven time and time again, that indeed, "all these things shall be added unto you" (Mt 6:33).  

Despite this, we sometimes worry and stress out about finances.  One morning, as Keith and I were talking, I said, “I guess I’m waiting on God to solve this financial problem for us”.  He said he felt the same way. We have been entrusting the situation to God in prayer and have seen His ability to provide enough times to know that He can indeed solve this problem.

That same day… I opened a Christmas card with no return address with $300 in cash inside.  That same day. Amazing.   While that didn't solve our problem completely, it was as if God Himself had written me and said, “Trust Me”. 

Fast forward a few weeks later when the surprise and gratitude of that gift had begun to wear off and a new bill came in the mail, I began to worry once again.  My toddler brought me a book and asked me to read it to him. I told him it was a book for grown ups. Wouldn’t he rather read “The Grinch”?  But he insisted and I read:

“It is important to know one thing: We cannot experience this support from God unless we leave Him the necessary space in which He can express Himself.  I would like to make a comparison.  As long as a person who must jump with a parachute does not jump out into the void, he cannot feel that the cords of the parachute will support him, because the parachute has not yet had a chance to open.  One must first jump and it is only later that one feels carried.  And so it is in the spiritual life: ‘God gives in the measure we expect of him,’ says Saint John of the Cross.  And Saint Francis de Sales says, 'The measure of Divine Providence acting on us is the degree of confidence we have in it.'” 
                        -Father Jacques Philippe “Searching for and Maintaining Peace”

I am humbled and amazed by the many ways God finds to speak to us.  How He knows just what we need and gently and loving encourages us.  And I do feel like we have jumped and are feeling those parachute strings holding us… now we’re just hoping for a nice soft landing.  Having jumped many times before, I am growing more and more in my trust in God’s providential chute. I just wish I could enjoy the beautiful view from up here a little more and worry a little less. J

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Time Management

“The heart has become a battlefield between love and lust” – John Paul II
I think JP II wasn’t just speaking of sexual lust, although in this culture especially it certainly is a real struggle. I think our hearts struggle with all kinds of lust… lust for comfort, for pleasure, for material goods, for affirmation, for power, for food and drink, for just about any good. I know lately with four small children I have struggled with a lust for time. With so few moments to myself, when I finally get a chance to have some time, I want to hoard it. I don’t even want to share it with God in prayer, even though He’s the one person who is guaranteed to give more than he takes from me, who is the author of time, and who can actually give me the peace I seek.
My husband read this first paragraph and said, “lust for time?...that doesn’t really work. Maybe a need for time or desire for time, but lust?” I replied that he only felt that way because he isn’t a mom.  A mother with young children actually lusts for time to herself.
An example: It’s naptime. On the agenda for me is some much needed prayer time, a workout (just 20 minutes of Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred… I mean who can’t talk themselves into 20 minutes) and a shower (also much needed). If I’m really lucky, maybe I’ll even shave. I'm tempted to scrap it all and take a nap myself. But first I sit down at the computer (of course, since that was nowhere on the list of things to do). I spend at least ten minutes looking at all kinds of things… some more worthwhile than others… from this
(Star Wars Superbowl Commercial falls under the less worthwhile)


to this



to this




Then I drag myself away from the computer and open up the Bible for that needed prayer time (although the voice in my head is getting louder saying just to get a few minutes of shut eye too). Oh, but I notice that my two year old left his play-doh out and it’s getting hard and ruined by the minute… better put it away.

By this point I hear my two year old who hasn’t napped in five days singing loudly. Loud enough, I’m afraid, to wake the baby. So I go in there and instead of threatening him within an inch of his life (which is what I’m tempted to do) I try and calm him down, rub his back, and leave. But while I’m trying to quiet my two year old the baby wakes up… what? 30 minutes? That’s it? Didn’t anyone around here get the memo that this is nap time? It’s only 1:00. A good two hours before school pick up and you boys are supposed to be sleeping! This is my only chance. For self-improvement, for change, for basic hygiene for goodness sakes!

And so my lust for time is left unsatiated and I’m reminded that nothing will make me more improved, holier, or happier, than doing God’s will in the present moment, which apparently doesn’t look the way I thought it would.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

A Child At Heart...

Being one of three girls growing up, my knowledge of the male psyche was limited to my father, who usually pretended to be pretty refined, although his inner "boy-ness" could be spotted from time to time. Fast forward a few years and here I am the mom of four boys and I am getting quite the education. 

I’ve heard that men are really little boys in grown up bodies. I get to witness this in all kinds of humorous and sometimes eye-rolling ways.  Like how my husband likes to tease the boys… usually playfully, but sometimes he can’t help himself and pushes the wrong button. Or how he gets just as giddy and excited about showing the boys his favorite scene in Star Wars as a little kid.  Whether it is watching the Bronco game together or telling them a bed time story about a little bunny whose gas is so smelly it can wipe out the enemy in seconds, I have plenty of evidence that indeed, my husband is just an overgrown boy. 


The most recent way my husband has been nurturing his inner child was by buying a bb gun for the two oldest boys for Christmas.  As a mother, I was less than enthusiastic about this idea.  I could give the boys a wet noodle and they could find a way to hurt themselves….  So the idea of a weapon seemed a little..... mmm....  risky to me.  But you should have seen my husband.  He had the excitement of a little boy on Christmas morning combined with Fourth of July fireworks.   Just the thought of giving the boys this gift put a smile on his face so big that I would have to be the Grinch himself to stop it. 

And so, while I do not trust my boys for one second with our Daisy Red Ryder 650 shot bb gun, I told my husband that I do trust him.  (Hear that honey?  I TRUST YOU!)