Secrets

I just finished reading Dr. Meg Meeker’s “Ten Habits of Happy Mothers”. It’s a good book and it reminded me of some truths that I know somewhere deep down, but sometimes forget. She reminded me to live simply, to prioritize friendship, and not to compete with those around me.

I’ve been thinking a lot about competition, especially among women. Why do we compare ourselves with others and size one another up? I think it’s more than just wanting to have the bigger fish.

I don’t think it’s about feeding our ego. Mostly I think we’re looking for some secret that we really believe other women have figured out to make life easier. When we compare ourselves with others, I think we are really crying out, “What do you know that I don’t?”

Someone recently asked me “What’s your secret?” I’m sure if she actually knew my secrets, (coffee, wine, and increasing the tv threshold for the older kids with each new baby) she wouldn’t have asked. I was kind of taken aback because, although I’m eight years into this motherhood thing, I still feel like I’m just figuring things out. Me? Have answers? Wisdom? Secrets? I can’t remember what I said (probably something to make it sound like I had my act together), but I left wondering what secrets other moms had that might be of help to me.

A few days or weeks later, I had a conversation with a friend who just had her first baby. She was asking me all sorts of questions and I briefly went back in my mind and heart to those first months (and even years) as a mother

and I realized I have learned a thing or two along the way.

I’ve learned to expect it to take a half hour from the time you say you’re going to leave to actually get out the door. I’ve learned that it’s not just the baby who needs a change of clothes in the minivan.

I’ve learned that no book or blog or friend (or gorgeous put-together supermom friend that I’m comparing myself to) can tell me how to best mother. I’ve learned to trust my gut.

I didn’t even have to refer to a book or the internet this time when my fourth baby started solids. Doesn’t that deserve a gold star or something?

I’ve learned not to be judgemental because I’ve done a lot of things I swore I never would.

(case in point... notice both the gun and the Bronco's shirt)

I’ve learned to bribe your two year old to use the potty. I’ve learned that, like all things worth doing, motherhood can be hard, messy and exhausting. But I’ve also learned that there is nothing I’d rather be doing.