You're Great...

When Keith and I were dating and engaged, we had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with a family who had four young children.  We got to glimpse family life up close, and yet, we proceeded (they say love is blind) J 

One of the many things I learned from the mom of this family, who is incredibly hard working and organized, was an idea that I’ve implemented in my own family. She has a plate that says, “You’re Special” on it and uses it to celebrate birthdays, good report cards, a great basketball game, etc.  Hers is really cute and probably from Pottery Barn or Crate & Barrel or Etsy.  Anyway, ours isn’t “designer”, but the boys LOVE it!

We made it through a Crayola-Create-Your-Own-Plate-Kit along with several other plates as a Christmas present to Keith a few years ago.  They have some similar items on amazon.  It is amazing how much it means to the boys to get the “You’re Great Plate”.  (It also serves well when you don’t want your two-year-old to use the fine china everyone else is using, while helping him feel special.) 

The joy they get at being told directly, “You’re Great”, is a good reminder how much they long for our affirmation and praise.   In fact, we all need that.  The other day, my oldest set the table and gave me the “You’re Great Plate” and it made my night.  We could all use a little pat on the back sometimes.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up"

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Deals, Deals, Deals

In an effort to save money I’ve been doing more “extreme couponing”.  This involves matching coupons with sale items to get things sometimes free or very cheap.  On average I save about 50% on groceries, which is great.  However, it also involves lots of time and energy searching for the best deals, printing off coupons online, cutting coupons from the Sunday paper, organizing the coupons, and tracking sales. There are several websites that help with this, but it still takes time.  I also am not sure I’m actually saving any money at all because I buy more of the items on sale than I otherwise would and sometimes I’m buying things I would never buy otherwise. 

For example, I can get breakfast cereal on sale super cheap this way. So what, kids, if you don’t like All Bran? It was only $1/box. Nevermind that you use a dollars worth of sugar on it just to choke it down.

So I’m still perfecting my system and determining how to make this work best for us.  Sometimes it’s a hassle, like when I’m in Target with children trying to find a certain coupon to know how many Skippy Peanut Butters I need to buy to use my coupon, but it can also be kind of like a game… I was trying to explain it to my husband and the best analogy I could use was Texas Hold ‘Em.  You know how you want to kick yourself when you fold on a hand that you would have won on? That’s how I feel when I buy something and then later realize I could have gotten it cheaper somewhere else.   But when I know I got a great deal, I feel like I won somehow.

Anyway, if you too are a “thrifty” mom, here are a couple of my favorite tips, sites, etc.

1)      If your children go through hand soap like there is no tomorrow: buy a foaming hand soap (like Dial). After it’s gone (in like a week around here)… fill it about a fourth of the way full with any kind of soap (suave body wash, softsoap hand soap, etc) and the rest of the way with water. Shake and voila … hand soap at ¼ the cost!

2)      http://www.frugalmom.net/blog/

3)      http://passionatepennypincher.com/

4)      Often cities will have their own sites like http://www.denvermetromoms.com/ or http://www.kansascitymamas.com/

5)      http://organizingmadefun.blogspot.com/2011/09/31-days-to-cheaply-organize-your-home_30.html

6)      http://kidsactivitiesblog.com/save-money/

7)      http://penniesandblessings.com/2011/10/12-ways-of-christmas-ways-of-frugal-gifting/

8)      Also, Aldi is great which now has milk for $1.99. Their generic brands of chips, crackers, cereal, etc have been great.

9)      Amazon Mom Subscribe and Save can be great for diapers and other items… 20% off delivered right to your door.

10)   Costco also can be great for some items.  http://www.kansascitymamas.com/2012/01/costco-deals-top-15-list/

"He Gives Us Wine To Gladden Our Hearts"

I think sometimes we are afraid to pray because we think God is going to ask us to do something we don’t want to do, give up something we don’t want to give up, change something we don’t want to change, or add to the sense of guilt we already carry around us like a heavy burden.

But Jesus says, “My yoke is easy and my burden light”.  What does this mean?  Let me tell you a story of something that happened to me recently.

As I mentioned in my last post, money has been a little tight, and I’d recently resolved to really stay within our budget… hard core… like Dave Ramsey style.

My husband was working late several nights in a row and I had felt fried, frustrated, and desperately wanted a glass of wine.  I white-knuckled it for a few nights, but after a particularly bad day with the kids, I stopped and bought a bottle of my favorite red, Menage a Trois.

This wasn’t in the “spending plan”, but compared to a trip to the looney bin, I figured it was cheap therapy. J I did have a hint of lingering guilt however.

After I finally got the kids to bed, and poured myself a glass, I remembered that the next day was  my women’s bible study on The Mass by Dr. Edward Sri.  I knew I didn’t have the mental or spiritual capacity to do all the reading and prep that I was supposed to do, but I figured I’d at least look at the one question that I specifically had been assigned.  This is what I read:

“You bring bread forth from the earth and wine to gladden our hearts” – Psalm 104:15

“Wine is very life to man if taken in moderation. Does he really live who lacks the wine which was created for his joy?” – Sirach 31:27

“Chief of all needs for human life are water and fire, iron and salt, The heart of the wheat, milk and honey, the blood of the grape, and oil and cloth” Sirach 39:26

And I smiled and laughed and felt very loved by such a tender and gentle God who has such a great sense of humor.  And I decided that despite all my Bible Studies, and classes, and years of doing ministry, I still don’t really know God.  He surprises me and is not who I expect sometimes.

So while I fall into the trap sometimes of thinking of prayer as one more thing on a long list of personal needs that I have trouble finding the time to meet, I am reminded when I do take the time that this is not just one more task to cross off the list. This is about relationship with a God who loves me.

And I added a line item in our spending plan for wine. J

Financial Skydiving

My husband and I have tried (although imperfectly) to follow what we believe is God's will for us, even sometimes if it doesn't make financial sense.  God has proven time and time again, that indeed, "all these things shall be added unto you" (Mt 6:33).  

Despite this, we sometimes worry and stress out about finances.  One morning, as Keith and I were talking, I said, “I guess I’m waiting on God to solve this financial problem for us”.  He said he felt the same way. We have been entrusting the situation to God in prayer and have seen His ability to provide enough times to know that He can indeed solve this problem.

That same day… I opened a Christmas card with no return address with $300 in cash inside.  That same day. Amazing.   While that didn't solve our problem completely, it was as if God Himself had written me and said, “Trust Me”. 

Fast forward a few weeks later when the surprise and gratitude of that gift had begun to wear off and a new bill came in the mail, I began to worry once again.  My toddler brought me a book and asked me to read it to him. I told him it was a book for grown ups. Wouldn’t he rather read “The Grinch”?  But he insisted and I read:

“It is important to know one thing: We cannot experience this support from God unless we leave Him the necessary space in which He can express Himself.  I would like to make a comparison.  As long as a person who must jump with a parachute does not jump out into the void, he cannot feel that the cords of the parachute will support him, because the parachute has not yet had a chance to open.  One must first jump and it is only later that one feels carried.  And so it is in the spiritual life: ‘God gives in the measure we expect of him,’ says Saint John of the Cross.  And Saint Francis de Sales says, 'The measure of Divine Providence acting on us is the degree of confidence we have in it.'” 

                        -Father Jacques Philippe “Searching for and Maintaining Peace”

I am humbled and amazed by the many ways God finds to speak to us.  How He knows just what we need and gently and loving encourages us.  And I do feel like we have jumped and are feeling those parachute strings holding us… now we’re just hoping for a nice soft landing.  Having jumped many times before, I am growing more and more in my trust in God’s providential chute. I just wish I could enjoy the beautiful view from up here a little more and worry a little less. J

Time Management

“The heart has become a battlefield between love and lust” – John Paul II

I think JP II wasn’t just speaking of sexual lust, although in this culture especially it certainly is a real struggle. I think our hearts struggle with all kinds of lust… lust for comfort, for pleasure, for material goods, for affirmation, for power, for food and drink, for just about any good. I know lately with four small children I have struggled with a lust for time. With so few moments to myself, when I finally get a chance to have some time, I want to hoard it. I don’t even want to share it with God in prayer, even though He’s the one person who is guaranteed to give more than he takes from me, who is the author of time, and who can actually give me the peace I seek.

My husband read this first paragraph and said, “lust for time?...that doesn’t really work. Maybe a need for time or desire for time, but lust?” I replied that he only felt that way because he isn’t a mom.  A mother with young children actually lusts for time to herself.

An example: It’s naptime. On the agenda for me is some much needed prayer time, a workout (just 20 minutes of Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred… I mean who can’t talk themselves into 20 minutes) and a shower (also much needed). If I’m really lucky, maybe I’ll even shave. I'm tempted to scrap it all and take a nap myself. But first I sit down at the computer (of course, since that was nowhere on the list of things to do). I spend at least ten minutes looking at all kinds of things… some more worthwhile than others… from this

(Star Wars Superbowl Commercial falls under the less worthwhile)

to this

October Baby - In Theaters March 2012!

to this

http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/

Then I drag myself away from the computer and open up the Bible for that needed prayer time (although the voice in my head is getting louder saying just to get a few minutes of shut eye too). Oh, but I notice that my two year old left his play-doh out and it’s getting hard and ruined by the minute… better put it away.

By this point I hear my two year old who hasn’t napped in five days singing loudly. Loud enough, I’m afraid, to wake the baby. So I go in there and instead of threatening him within an inch of his life (which is what I’m tempted to do) I try and calm him down, rub his back, and leave. But while I’m trying to quiet my two year old the baby wakes up… what? 30 minutes? That’s it? Didn’t anyone around here get the memo that this is nap time? It’s only 1:00. A good two hours before school pick up and you boys are supposed to be sleeping! This is my only chance. For self-improvement, for change, for basic hygiene for goodness sakes!

And so my lust for time is left unsatiated and I’m reminded that nothing will make me more improved, holier, or happier, than doing God’s will in the present moment, which apparently doesn’t look the way I thought it would.

A Child At Heart...

Being one of three girls growing up, my knowledge of the male psyche was limited to my father, who usually pretended to be pretty refined, although his inner "boy-ness" could be spotted from time to time. Fast forward a few years and here I am the mom of four boys and I am getting quite the education. 

I’ve heard that men are really little boys in grown up bodies. I get to witness this in all kinds of humorous and sometimes eye-rolling ways.  Like how my husband likes to tease the boys… usually playfully, but sometimes he can’t help himself and pushes the wrong button. Or how he gets just as giddy and excited about showing the boys his favorite scene in Star Wars as a little kid.  Whether it is watching the Bronco game together or telling them a bed time story about a little bunny whose gas is so smelly it can wipe out the enemy in seconds, I have plenty of evidence that indeed, my husband is just an overgrown boy. 

The most recent way my husband has been nurturing his inner child was by buying a bb gun for the two oldest boys for Christmas.  As a mother, I was less than enthusiastic about this idea.  I could give the boys a wet noodle and they could find a way to hurt themselves….  So the idea of a weapon seemed a little..... mmm....  risky to me.  But you should have seen my husband.  He had the excitement of a little boy on Christmas morning combined with Fourth of July fireworks.   Just the thought of giving the boys this gift put a smile on his face so big that I would have to be the Grinch himself to stop it. 

And so, while I do not trust my boys for one second with our Daisy Red Ryder 650 shot bb gun, I told my husband that I do trust him.  (Hear that honey?  I TRUST YOU!)  

Enjoying the Present

My dad is convinced that as you age, you romanticize your past. This explains why when my great great aunt came to live with us at the age of 94, she talked about her deceased husband as “a saint”. He joked that he wants to go first so we can have time to remember him as a saint too. He doesn’t know it, but if he died tomorrow, he’d already be remembered as one. He’s one of the most generous and thoughtful people I know. But we’ll save that for another post.

I think there is some truth to this “romanticizing your past” theory. I see it happening already. The other day I mentioned to my husband that I didn’t think our older two boys had the “terrible twos” nearly as bad as our toddler does. He laughed at me. He reminded me that, yes, in fact, they had it every bit as bad as our two year old does now. And let’s not even talk about women’s memory regarding childbirth… can anyone say “rose -colored -glasses”?

But despite our desire to look at the past positively, I do think there are certain seasons and chapters in life that are just plain great: that we can appreciate fully even when we’re in them. I feel like I’m in one now. My husband and I are blessed in so many ways. And as we approach Christmas, I’m especially mindful of the sweet ages of my boys. Their anticipation and joy is palpable. And their desire to give generously is truly touching.

(here are the older two with Grandpa... Christmas 2008)

(Look at that joy!)

Recently they spent hours in the basement secretly working on gifts for us that they brought out when we decorated the tree.

It took me a few minutes to get over the fact that my tree wouldn't look like something that belonged in a magazine....

Until I realized it couldn't be more beautiful....

I know that this chapter won’t last forever. Recently I read an article from my beloved Erma Bombeck, “Christmas Chimes”. It made me know that this time really is something to treasure and that there is plenty of romance already present.

Christmas Chimes

Everything is in readiness.

The tree is trimmed. The cards taped to the door frame. The boxes stacked in glittering disarray under the tree.

Why don’t I hear chimes?

Remember the small boy who made the chimes ring in a fictional story years ago? As the legend went, the chimes would not ring unless a gift of love was placed on the altar. Kings and men of great wealth placed untold jewels there, but year after year the church remained silent.

Then one Christmas Eve, a small child in a tattered coat made his way down the aisle, and without anyone noticing he took off his coat and placed it on the altar. The chimes rang out joyously throughout the land to mark the unselfish giving of a small boy.

I used to hear chimes.

I heard them the year one of my sons gave me a tattered piece of construction paper on which he had crayoned two hands folded in prayer and a moving message, OH COME HOLY SPIT!

I heard them the year I got a shoe box that contained two baseball cards and the gum was still with them.

I heard them the Christmas they all got together and cleaned the garage.

They’re gone, aren’t they? The years of the lace doilies fashioned into snowflakes … the hands traced in plaster of paris … the Christmas trees of pipe cleaners … the thread spools that held small candles. They’re gone.

The chubby hands that clumsily used up $2 worth of paper to wrap a cork coaster are sophisticated enough to take a number and have the gift wrapped professionally.

The childish decision of when to break the ceramic piggy bank with a hammer to spring the 59 cents is now resolved by a credit card.

The muted thump of pajama-covered feet padding down the stairs to tuck her homemade crumb scrapers beneath the tree has given way to pantyhose and fashion boots to the knee.

It’ll be a good Christmas. We’ll eat too much. Make a mess in the living room. Throw the warranties into the fire by mistake. Drive the dog crazy taping bows to his tail. Return cookies to the plate with a bite out of them. Listen to Christmas music.

But Lord … what I would give to bend low and receive a gift of toothpicks and library paste and hear the chimes just one more time!